Turntail's Revenge
'Autobot Naval Platform ' A lavish hall greets you, decorated with the finest in Mexican chandeliers, a framed portrait of Chikome-Ollin lit by soft candlelight dominates the far wall. In the middle is a huge oak table, a map of the region blu-tacked to it with little pins to symbolise troop movements. A large wine cabinet is visible, full of the finest vintages, half drunk goblets scattered all over the workstations. Below you can hear the loud chopping of the crushers that help to power the engine, forever cutting down with their razor-sharp edges before the firepits. The sleeping quarters are off to the side, each bed made of plush goose-down, transformer sized and covered in imperial designs and carving of Chikome-Ollin's face. The legend "CHIKOME-OLLIN - HE LIVES IN OUR HEARTS - MEXICO" is inscribed on the plaque of dedication -- below this is a tiny plaque inscribed with "Also sponsored by the Kenya Momesa scholarship award. Turntail strides onto the vessel, his hand casually brushing off the snow from his shoulder panels, flicking it from his metallic fingers into the lavishly decorated hall of the Naval Platform. Taking a few steps inside, his optic catches sight of the flying Toblerone. Swearing inwardly, the blue Autobot forces a smile, "Afternoon, Raindance." Raindance detaches himself from the geometric painting he had clamped himself to. "Curse you Turntail, how did you discover me?" he quips, powering up his lasers. "You dare to come back to MY ship after that hussy Arcee rescued you, with her ARMS and LEGS Turntail folds his hands over his hips and lets slip a deep laugh, "YOUR ship? Last I heard, /that/ hussy took charge of this place.. Now.." Striding forward, Turntail tests the waters as he pull sout a chair and hops into it, his leg servos swinging round as he rests the metallic bulk on the table, "..car eto get me some Energon? Those mountains sure take it out of a bot." Raindance starts to panic somewhat as Turntail /sits on the table/ "Hey hey, you can't do that buddy, I've just had Grand Slam tie polish to his treads and drive over that all day to wax it up nice and smooth. Now I'll have to get him to do it all over again... unless you want to REPLACE the table?" His little stun laser powers up, and with a ZAM, fires a bolt at Turntail You successfully strike Turntail, who is now temporarily incapacitated. Turntail lets out a yelp of surprise as the stun beam connects with the blue 'Bot's chest plate, the eenergy surging across his chassis as he falls backward from the table and hitting the ground with a groan, his hands struggling to pull himself back up as quickly as he can, his vocaliser growling in resentment, "..You're gonna regret that you damned flying kite.." Raindance starts to float over the fallen Turntail, a little reel of string coming from his undercarriage and looping around Turntail in an attempt to tie him up and hoist him over two struts, to turn him into a table. "Oh really, what you gonna do, stare menacingly?" he quips Turntail watches menacingly as the string loops around his chassis, "No.. no I think I can do more.." With a glow of his optics, Turntail loops his forearm around the string, his hands grabbing hold of it as his powerful arm servos pull Raindance down /to/ him in order to make a grab for the irritating casette. Turntail succeeds in grasping Raindance, throwing him off-balance. Raindance hovers in the air, straining at the string as he fires his boosters and tries to escape. "Oh help oh help he's using his HANDS this isn't fair!" the little triangle emits in fear, trying to thrust forwards and unbalance Turntail Raindance succeeds in grasping Turntail, throwing him off-balance. Turntail, with his hands firmly on the string, is pulled along with Raindance's thrust to escape, sending the Autobot up in an arc to land heavily on his front with a loud THUNK of metal, his grip releasing Raindance as he sprawls across the floor. As Turntail releases Raindance, the triangle hurtles into the ceiling, and with a 'SPRANG!' becomes stuck in the ceiling, point first. "Oh Primus no!" he cries. "The world has turned into a flat white void!" Turntail rubs his head module with a grumble as he pulls himself up to his feet before looking up, his metallic lips curling from a sneer to a grin, to an outright laugh! "Haha! Looking good, Set-Square. Remind me to get one of you for my quarters back at Autobot City!" "Nooo!" cries Raindance as he is firmly wedged in the ceiling, his booster rockets only able to push him forwards, and thus more into the ceiling. "Turntail Turntail... get me out of this, and I'll forget all this happened..." Turntail turns his optics away, resting his hands on his hips as he idlely teases Raindance, "Yeah? Anything else? I do could with a decent wax and polish." "Yeah yeah, I'll get Grand Slam right on it!" Raindance pleads. "And I'll also sing a song about you, listen! #Turntail, Turntail, give me your answer do, I'm half cray-zee, all of the love of you!" he bleeps badly Turntail snorts, "Alright, alright. You'll owe me one.. and I'm not a Bot who forgets his debts!" Stooping low, the blue metal of Turntail's alt mode folds and shifts over his robotic form - soon only leaving the sleek beautiful shape of a Saleen S7 in his place for a moment before an EMP projector slides from a roof panel, whirring into position as he aims for raindance, "Now hold still.. this'll only smart a bit.. Just gotta get you relaxed, eh?" Clearly enjoying his payback, Turntail charges his EMP cannon, before firing off a round into the ceiling. You are temporarily incapacitated by Turntail's special attack. Hot Spot emerges from his office in the SS Ollin. He has been attempting to do so for the past couple days, because shoddy workmanship resulted in a door that could not be opened from the inside. He smells like bananas, because his office smells like bananas. "What's going on out here?!" Raindance is still trapped in the ceiling as he is stunned by Turntail's blast, the chunk of ceiling he is stuck into coming loose and tumbling down. "Help help Hot Spot!" Raindance cries. "Turntail has gone INSANE. I think he is really... EL MOLESTO!" SOME TIME AGO Long before Blades stopped being a Combaticon, the Protectobots still numbered five. "I'm sorry, El Molesto," Hot Spot croaks, damaged and shaking, holding his fireball cannon to his comrade's head. "There isn't any other way." Hot Spot fires, and El Molesto explodes into a million blue vortices. NOW "No. No, that can't be." ONE MILLION YEARS AGO Raindance and Ringo, the eighth Protectobot are backed into a corner by the menacing form of a horrific zombie. "This is it Ringo!" Raindance bleeps. "El Molesto is back from the dead, and this time, he's got a moustache. A ZOMBIE moustache!" El Molesto slowly stalks towards the two, twirling his facial hair and laughing NOW Raindance slowly detaches himself from the ceiling. "Its him Hot Spot, I'm sure of it. AND he's a witch, AND a Decepticon spy, AND in league with ARCEE "What? Why would I have a monkey in my office?" Hot Spot stares at Turntail, confused, before looking over to Raindance. "But Arcee is on our side, Raindance. She's too pink to do anything truly evil, and even if she were evil, her arms are too skinny to really make a difference." Turntail shakes his head module slowly, "You've got a smell about you, reminded me of something I saw in one of those.. Safari Parks in Europe." A shrug, "Don't listen to him, Hot Spot.. the crazed thing attacked both myself and Arcee several cycles ago - insisted on interrogating me with the assistance of a salad bowl and a photocopier. Clearly insane." ONE MILLION YEARS AGO Raindance is lying on a towel on a sandy beach, sunning himself. Suddenly there is a giggle and a group of pink femmes come over to him and start kicking sand over him and his towel. "Hey shorty!" one of them sniggers. "Way to have NO LIMBS!" NOW Raindance listens to Hot Spot's words and shudders "Raindance isn't insane," Hot Spot sighs, sniffing his forearm. All he can smell is the inside of his faceplate, which smells like Halloween candy. "No more than Tailgate, Afterburner, Slag, Wheelie, Strafe, or Galvatron is insane. And we all know Galvatron isn't insane. He's more like a... gang leader, or a fun uncle." Groove says, "Hey uh, Hot Spot dude?" Turntail visibly clenches his jaw-servos as he listens to the words, Galvatron? Not insane? Anybody who continues this war despite the needlessness of it all, who slaughters thousands and doesn't stop himself firing on his own troops - is, in Turntail's mind, fairly mental. But the Autobot recognises Hot Spot's rank, and nods, with a wistful smile, "Of course - but that doesn't make them any the less.. irritating." Hot Spot says, "What's up?" Groove says, "Do you remember when Megatron tried to hurl the Earth into the sun, and we like, put all those humans in that meat locker to keep them cool and stop them burning to death?" Groove says, "Did we ever like, unlock the door again?" Hot Spot says, "/I/ didn't put any humans in a meat locker." Hot Spot says, "Although Blades certainly might have." Hot Spot says, "Damn it." First Aid sighs Groove says, "Ah heck" First Aid says, "Sir?" "Yeah that's right, TURNtail!" Raindance bleeps, saying 'turn' as if is some sort of insult, as he hovers upwards shakily. "Just because I just see Kremzeeks everywhere, and my best friend is a bunch of grapes, doesn't mean you should look down on me!" Turntail curls his metallic lip into a sneer as he clenches his fist, aiming his snarl in raindance's direction, "No, you're right. I /should/ look down on you, however, for being a pair of mini-legs." First Aid says, "Please do tell me, Blades did not.. or where the location is at so I can investigate it myself." "I can sense your doubt, Turntail, and trust me, all of our mind-scanning equipment currently in development indicates that Galvatron is sane and rational and cares about his troops, and Inferno is alive. I don't personally want to believe either, but who am I, a mere Protectobot, to argue with science?" Hot Spot finishes his soliloquy and turns to Raindance. "Raindance, you do not see Kremzeeks everywhere. And Turntail, legs are a vital part of mobility." Groove says, "Oh heck man, I've totally forgotten it. Perhaps some pills can help me remember" First Aid says, "because even though.. that case has been /years/ ago, if there is even a chance of it... Groove, bad. Bad--" "Thats racism!" Raindance bleeps angrily. "Hot Spot, he dissed me.. and by definition ANYONE who turns into a combiner limb! Turntail, the Autobot code specifically says you can't be a roboracist. Hot Spot, have him flayed!" "The Autobot Handbook also bans flaying," Hot Spot sighs. "Have you even /read/ it?" "Of COURSE!" Raindance replies. "Well only the front cover because I have no way to open it..." Groove says, "Oh man, just give me the keys to the medical cabinet, I can sort myself out" "We have it on tape," Hot Spot notes. "Read by Seaspray." First Aid says, "No." First Aid says, "and that is my final answer." Groove says, "Oooh but what about my uh, atheletes hand?" Hot Spot says, "Athlete's hand is pretty serious." "THAT'S what it is?" Raindance bleeps in surprise. "I thought that was the tape of when Sparkplug got drowned by Hound to make sure he didn't tell anyone his secrets" First Aid says, "Groove-- I know /very/ well you don't. You fooled me twice with such an act and I will not be fooled a third time and if you dare go into my medical bay within our base... just-- gah.. No!" Turntail blinks back from Hot Spot's words, Mind-scanning? Primus, he better not think about that time in California with that Sorority party - Slag! Should he have just thought that? Looking interested, Turntail steps back slightly from the conversation, nodding at appropiate times as he gives Hot Spot a curious glance. Groove says, "Fine then, don't blame me when Defensor walks with a limp cos I'm DEAD" Hot Spot takes a step forward to try and resolve the situation, but the crappy worksmanship causes the floor to collapse beneath him. He falls miles into the Earth. Raindance hovers off to find the tape of the handbook / snuff tape First Aid sighs, "....then come to the medical bay and I'll look at it.." grumbles something